Managers that show up when I work on Unblend

Using Unblend for my own IFS work with a Manager

Today I wanted to share a map I made through the app, The app is very much in the early stages, and majority of our UI (design, layout, color) hasn’t been implemented yet. Our focus has mostly been on rounding out the features, leaving the UI for last.

We’ve been working on the app for more than six months now and there’s been parts up within the team, myself included, that have been yearning for collaboration outside the three of us.

Myself and Jacoby, the developer, primarily worry about falling into the product development groupthink: that is to say, we’re eager to hear user feedback to see if this is something they find valuable.

Our goal since the beginning has always been to create features based on problems that IFS enthusiasts are observing in their personal IFS work.

The map above represents my experience working on Unblend, particularly when I think about releasing the app in its current form.

How I use Unblend: mapping what is present

It’s been funny working on Unblend because it’s been providing me with trailheads as I work on it. My Perfectionist Professional part is anxious about releasing the app in its current state and has the belief that users are not going to give it a fair shake because of the UI.

On the other hand, I have parts that are yearning for novelty and collaboration with others. I’m not sure what their role is yet so I’ve tentatively labeled them Core Quality. It’s an easy way to include feelings or behaviors in a map without the need for clear role delegation.

I’m aware that Perfectionist Professional is protecting an Exile around rejection, or more specifically, around helplessness. I feel more connected to the Perfectionist Professional and don’t really notice much about the Exile at the moment, but I feel grateful that I am aware of its presence regardless.

Not mapped here are my IFS Parts which can be intellectual at times. I think these are Managers that lend insight and help provide context to my feelings, and I appreciate their wisdom that the Perfectionist Professional definitely has an Exile that is protecting. I find my IFS parts provide me with trailheads for future curiosity, even if I’m not super connected to Exile feelings.

Is it possible for Managers to exile other Managers?

Starting late last year, I have been noticing more a cluster of parts I’ve come to call Doubter of Managers. I notice them most after resolving ambivalence in my system, or after reaching some kind of conclusion or decision

I notice that the Doubter of Managers, which I endearingly imagine as a cluster of Managers dressed in white, self-proclaimed to be the healing and self-development experts, react strongly to confident energy in my system.

I notice that these parts are often in conflict with other Managers that are in charge of decision-making, confidence, or finding clarity.

The conflict often transforms into an inflicting relationship. I notice that I get a growing sense of doubt and self-consciousness immediately after I experience clarity or confidence. As you can imagine, this has presented some challenges when I try to make a decision or experience confidence in my system.

How I work with my IFS Managers

1) Staying curious about the story behind their extreme responses

I imagine the Doubter of Managers cluster feels quite wary of confidence or decision-making in my system because they’re worried I’m going to be indulging Managers who can be a bit forceful in their strategies.

For instance, before getting into IFS and self-development in general, I used to think that all I needed to do to feel better was to simply go to bed at a reasonable time, create a strict structure for me to follow, and exercise regularly.

That’s not to say that these habits are not essential foundations to your well-being - but in my mind back then, I was convinced that all I needed to do was commit to doing these things. While I was physically healthy, it didn’t really “change” my internal experience: I still felt the nagging of insecurities and a void left unexpressed.

When I recount that, it’s easy to understand Doubter of Managers would have such an extreme response to confidence or clarity in my system: because they are interpreting this as the beginning of extreme measures coming from other Managers or Firefighters. 

2) Expressing the good intention of Managers

In IFS, one of the ways to unblend is to notice what you, with more Self-energy, feel towards the part.

Are you feeling distant? Avoidant? Do you sense what the part is doing for your system, positive and negative?

What observations are you making? What can you notice about yourself as this part shows up?

When I sense a wariness around confident energy, I imagine my Doubter of Managers parts must feel quite worried that that confident energy is just masquerading for blind habit formation.

I feel the parts’ fear around succumbing to extreme strategies like dieting, forcing myself into uncomfortable social situations so that I may “grow”, or treating healthy habits like an end-all and be-all checklist to my well-being.

I then start noticing the part’s critical thoughts towards myself and other parts. I hear varying things from “Nothing you do is impactful - these “self-help” things are all just strategies anyway” to “I’m worried we’re not doing anything meaningful and that all of this is just playing pretend to feel better.”

It’s not always easy to hold space for these thoughts, especially in situations where I feel more rushed or stimulated. When I’m able, I remind myself of the part’s positive intention.

How do I connect with a Manager’s positive intention?

Often the positive intention of a part reveals itself to me when I ask the following questions:

• Why do you your job so hard? What would happen if you didn’t do your job so hard?
• What are you worried would happen if you weren’t around?
• What is it about the other part/feeling/behavior that’s inspiring these experiences in you?
• What do you envision for me? How do you hope that I live my life?

I find that connecting with the part’s positive intention begins when I feel understanding of their experience and beliefs without agreeing to it.

When I am able to hold space for the fear, sorrow, or extreme belief that the part is holding without avoiding, agreeing to, or judging the part, sympathy follows.

When I feel blended, I may ask help from a sympathetic part who helps me abstract parts into a stranger. When I imagine someone working very hard to protect their family and keep them from danger, and I imagine this person looking quite tired and desperate, I start feeling sympathy.

I think it’s often a misconception, especially for beginners, that IFS work is just working with Self-energy, when in reality it’s about helping Managers and Firefighters unlock their wonderful potential so that you can dispatch them when needed.

I feel curious if other people also experience hesitation around dispatching Managers, Firefighters, or just generally confident/straightforward energy in their systems in fear that they’re just indulging “bad behaviors” in their system.

3) Stay curious to the “layers of interaction”

I’ve expressed previously to my therapist that IFS feels frustrating because it feels like I have to do some IFS work in preparation of the IFS work. I can’t just sit down and start interacting with myself. I have to untangle the many parts that are ambivalent, concerned, disconnected as I begin that process.

He suggested that I express sympathy to the part of me that feels disheartened at the sheer amount of work involved.

He offered an expression for the part: “I understand your frustration. It is a puzzle, and it is a lot of work. But how puzzly this is doesn’t at all diminish the previous work we’ve done.”

When I look at this map, I see that the interaction between Perfectionist Professional and Doubter of Managers is the first part of the “puzzle”. Inside that is the interaction between Perfectionist Professional and my core qualities hoping for collaboration.

Because my attention has been so fixated between Perfectionist Professional and Doubter of Managers, I often don’t have enough energy to see the second layer of interaction, which I would say to be the core parts involved in my decision-making for Unblend.

I notice as I observe this map I feel some relief in being able to visualize it this way. I brought up these cluster of parts in my previous IFS session and I’m hoping to hold space for them more this week.

I'm feeling hopeful and excited when I look towards the future. I hope that I can express more confidence and clarity in my next developer update.